Funny One Liners 19.7.2010

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it!

The road to success is always under CONSTRUCTION!

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

Intel inside. Idiot outside.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Computers make very fast, very precise mistakes.

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

Answering Machine: "Hi! I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message. If I don't call back, it's you."

Stewart Francis - One Liners

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

What's the speed of dark?

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research

Funny One Liners

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic, and 200 million to make a film about it.

Hard work never killed anybody - But why take the risk!

No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.